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Sour Lemons by ~darkvenom:icondarkvenom:



Torn between inane justifications of bitter tongues.
Swept away with the verbal bile that secretes
in the spaces between your rotting teeth...
...those lips,
sour lemons that once pressed against mine.
The eloquence that bleeds from your gums,
nothing more than the foul aftertaste of yesterday.

Cracked-bone fingertips stumble over barren lands
Rattled ribs dare splinter into nothing more than whispers
as your mouldy heart pumps spores from your chest...
...those breasts,
rotten fruit that is already bruised beneath his grasp.
The lust that leaked from your tar filled lungs
but a hacked cough that stained my tongue a desecrated black.

Sharp thunder cracks through the night
Jagged hips grate heavily against a worn pelvis
rocking in an ocean of still stagnant water...
...that muscle,
he dares not liken to a once bountiful trawlers catch.
The canine desires that drool from between your fishnet legs
were a sickening stain on the ashes that were my sheets.

Skeleton rattles as hips sway in pendulum.
A breeze howls and shares a disgusted look
as it rushes through the cavernous space between your legs...
...those ankles,
more used to being at your shoulders than your own hair.
The subtle scent of lust, a wake of unwanted perfume,
the back of your head has never looked so good.
©2007-2008 ~darkvenom
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Submitted: August 4, 2007
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Comments: 15
Favourites & Collections: 5 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Category selection is overrated...

As always, constructive crit. is more than welcome.

Devious Comments

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~Black-Rose-In-Bloom:iconBlack-Rose-In-Bloom: Aug 4, 2007, 8:59:18 PM
Hmm, I'm feeling the love for somebody here...lol. Well, it's good. I like the way you make it an angsty, hate-filled emo poem, but it doesn't seem like the ocean of others that sixteen-year-old hormonal little boys write. It's written, dare I say, elegantly, with a vocabulary superior to the ever-so-common (especially in my gallery lol) "I can't believe you could do this to me I hate you you're so distusting" sort of thing. It gets the emotion across effectively without sounding juvenile. This is something I can appreciate very much.

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I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
~copiousblood:iconcopiousblood: Aug 4, 2007, 10:55:19 PM
i agree

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brraaiins
~darkvenom:icondarkvenom: Aug 5, 2007, 1:21:39 AM
Thankyou very much for the in depth comment and favourite :)

Im glad that the piece comes across as 'elegant' in all its apparent bitterness, while not falling prey to distastful vocabulary, despite the imagery im forcing upon the reader hehe.
~Black-Rose-In-Bloom:iconBlack-Rose-In-Bloom: Aug 5, 2007, 6:59:29 AM
Kind of reminds me of a twist of Edgar Allan Poe and your pick of any emo kid you could run across. *nods*

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I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
~jhudorahavok:iconjhudorahavok: Aug 5, 2007, 5:24:32 PM Mood: Love
mmmhmmm. *nods* made me say 'oh wow' a few times. :) very well done.

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~I'll stare forever and love whatever breaks my heart~ Semiotic Love [Blaqk Audio]
~darkvenom:icondarkvenom: Aug 6, 2007, 2:15:24 AM
Sadly, in all honesty, the number of poems I have read by Mr Poe I could count on one hand and have fingers left to write with lol. But yea, thanks for the comment =)
~thexhystericxeskimo:iconthexhystericxeskimo: Aug 6, 2007, 5:30:40 AM
Basically speechless. I love the whole concept, the gritty imagery you're putting through to the reader. Using every possible dirty, distasteful word to make, as a whole, a piece that gives a totally different impression to the words you're using to make it. The words alone would be just 'mouldy' or 'rotten' but usuing them, placing them as you have bring out so much more in the word itself, and so much imagery. I know what I'm trying to say even if it's just line after line of never-ending rambling. :lol:

Excellent. I love it. Favourite.

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I hope you choke on a cardboard cut-out of Julia Roberts. x